Part 1[]
DRACULAURA: Hey, IBall. Where do I start? Well... (sighs) Today has been clawful. Like, I woke up on the wrong side of the coffin. [V.O.] First, my alarm didn't go off. (snores) Ow! Oh, no, no, no! I'm so late! [V.O.] Then my bag's latch broke. Ugh! Thanks, Count Fabulous. Uh, good night! [V.O.] I was late to Fear Squad practice, which Toralei made a big deal of.
TORALEI: Hm. Tardiness isn't a quality I want in a head fearleader. All of in favor of Draculaura stepping down? (grunts)
CLAWD: I thought she was just asking if we wanted tacos after practice or something.
DRACULAURA: Mm, it's fine. Just having a bad night. I need to put the bad vibes behind me with some witchcraft self-care. Uh... Hey, um, have you seen that undo-the-bad-night potion I was working on?
CLAWDEEN: Hmm, no.
FRANKIE: Nuh-uh...
SKULLETTE P.A. SYSTEM: Attention, students. A witch's potion has been discovered in the grounds of Monster High!
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Remain calm. Everyone remain calm. Someone has broken the rules and is practicing witchcraft. Whoever it is will be found and expelled.
TORALEI: I've got my cat eyes on you. But this time, I'll have the proof in my claws before I howl your secret.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: I'm bringing in the top detectives-- the Monster Parent Association.
LAGOONA: The MPA?
STUDENT #1: Not our parents.
STUDENT #2: Lame.
DEUCE: Ugh. Mama and Mom-dusa are coming?
SNAKE: Yes.
DEUCE: Can't wait to hear what Monster High was like for Mom-dusa back in her day-- again.
FRANKIE: Has your mom ever mentioned the Gorgon Talisman? Headmistress hasn't found it yet, and we really need to find it before the blood moon eclipse so we can bring Clawd and Clawdeen's mom back.
DEUCE: Never heard her mention a talisman. And I know her stories by heart. But we can ask her. Oh, better clean my dorm before she gets here.
FRANKIE: Ooh, dibs on vacuum duty!
DRACULAURA: The MPA? That means my dad's coming! Oh, this night just went from bad to worse. Ugh. I should've told Dad about my witchcraft last weekend when I planned to. But then he saw my report card, and he was so proud. He kept saying how I was following in his batsteps to become Premiere First and Foremost Top-Monster.
CLAWDEEN: I still can't believe they went with "PFFT" as the acronym.
DRACULAURA: That's the vampire way. Once something is decided, they don't change it, no matter how silly, outdated, or PFFT-y it sounds. That's why it's so hard to tell him I do witchcraft.
CLAWDEEN: But you have to tell him before he gets here, right?
DRACULAURA: In the middle of a witch hunt? No way. As the PFFT, he has to uphold the rules. He'd expel me.
CLAWDEEN: Then we have to find out what's going on in that meeting. Drac, bat up.
APOLLO: Oh! Hi. Apollo Wolf, uh, Clawdeen and Clawd's dad. I got the email for an MPA meeting. And I brought cookies!
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Excuse me, Mr. Wolf. One moment. Rule number one, humans are not allowed in Monster High. But rule number 43, all parents must be allowed on the MPA. Either way, we break a rule.
MPA MEMBER #1: Well, he seems nice enough.
O'SHRIEK: It's just such a conundrum. It is very, very scandalous.
APOLLO: Not oatmeal raisin fans, huh?
O'SHRIEK: Oh! Mr. Wolf could help us catch the witch! Witchcraft is very human-y.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Mr. Wolf, welcome. Everyone, take a seat in the Clawditorium.
CLAWDEEN: Aw, my dad's fitting in so well.
DRACULAURA: They let a human in? Maybe they'll bend the rules for witchcraft.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: We will never bend the rules for witchcraft. Witchcraft is banned.
APOLLO: Why isn't witchcraft allowed here?
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Well, because of... the incident.
DRACULA: Long ago, witchcraft infiltrated Monster High in the form of Mrs. Crabgrass. Like all monsters, Crabgrass had her own innate powers. But she wanted more. With witchcraft, she stole the powers of monsters. She became headmistress and tried to take over PFFT to subjugate monsters. A few of us evaded her spell and stopped her, but just barely. Now witchcraft is banned so that can never happen again. Witchcraft is a danger to monsters!
DRACULAURA: Ugh. Fine, some witches are bad. But witchcraft isn't inherently bad.
DRACULA: It's all in my latest comic, "Dracula Versus Witchcraft," available now on Ama-zombie.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: We'll split up so we fall cover the entire school. You're looking for anyone with evidence of witchcraft-- potions, spell books, excessive hand-waving motions. Good luck.
DRACULAURA: Come on. I have to stop my dad from finding out I'm the witch.
CLAWDEEN: And I'll distract my dad.
MEDUSA: We'll find the witch... 🎵First!🎵
LYRA: You said it. Gorgons always win.
MEDUSA: Deucie baby! Oh. Oh, honey, you have a little something on your chin.
DEUCE: Mom-dusa, stop! Ugh! We're looking for the Gorgon Talisman. You know it?
LYRA: You used to wear it all the time. But I haven't seen it since we graduated.
MEDUSA: Misplaced. More important to find today is the witch, and I do love a challenge! Reminds me of the time I single-handedly beat Monster High's Rival casketball team, Hydra High.
DEUCE: The odds were 100 to 1. Yeah, I know. But the talisman, where'd you last see it?
MEDUSA: Well, uh... here at Monster High. Anyway, now this gorgon needs to win a witch-finding. Bye, my gorgonzola.
DEUCE: Told you she only tells the same old boring stories. No talisman.
FRANKIE: She had it in this photo. (garbles) Oh! We can use her stories to retrace her steps and find it!
SNAKE: Sounds hard. Let's sit instead.
DEUCE: Sorry, snake bros. Can't let you get in the way of helping Clawdeen. Let's do this, Frankie.
APOLLO: Hey, sweetie pups. I'm here, just walking out of the-- wh-what do you call it? Clawditorium?
CLAWDEEN: Dad!
APOLLO: Hey!
CLAWD: How was the big meeting?
APOLLO: Exciting! The biggest issue the parents are your last school tackled was the lunch menu. But I don't think I'm gonna be much help finding a witch.
CLAWD: Fine by us. How about a tour of the school instead?
CLAWDEEN: And we can get some eye scream.
STUDENT 8: Bat out!
STUDENT 9: Bat out!
DRACULA: Yes, bat out! Always have time for my fans, except right now. My little darling of darkness! Help me find the witch, would you? Don't get too close! Who knows what sort of witchcraftery lingers?
DRACULAURA: Dad, I don't think...
TORALEI: Mr. Dracula, sir? I heard you're an expert witch-hunter. I'm hoping to go into witch-hunting myself, so I'd love to be your intern.
DRACULAURA: No thanks, Toralei.
TORALEI: Hey. That potion looks like it's in an old Fang-ta bottle. Don't you love drinking Fang-ta, Draculaura?
DRACULAURA: No! I can't stand Fang-ta. Y-yuck. I'd never be caught alive with it.
DRACULA: You are correct, intern. I am quite excellent. And I came prepared-- the witch detector!
DRACULAURA: Uh... It's pointing that way. Uh, must be more witchcraft in the school. (quietly) Caught in a bind, get stuck behind.
TORALEI: Ah!
DRACULA: This is AB-positively astounding. Wherever we go, the detector detects the residue of witchcraft.
DRACULAURA: (quietly) Uh, sew a stitch, aid a witch. With this spell, a direction switch.
DRACULA: Agh! Ah! The pull is so strong, it nearly ripped myself from my well-muscled arms. Witchcraft, this way! Here? No. Up here? Under the floorboards?
DRACULAURA: Give us space, make a bookcase. Dad?
DRACULA: Ugh! How inconvenient. Has Headmistress Bloodgood been redecorating?
DRACULAURA: Uh, yeah. Guess we'll just need to go the long way-- the very long way.
STUDENT 7: Do you think he's as juicy as he looks?
STUDENT 8: A human.
APOLLO: Wow! I've waited my whole career to see so many monsters up close. What beautiful teeth you have.
CLAWDEEN: Uh, let's keep moving.
LAGOONA: Hola. (screams)
CLAWD: Qué haces?
LAGOONA: Is that not right? The humans I've met before-- beachgoers, sailors... always greet me with screams.
GOOBERT: Hmm. Need a bigger stockpot.
APOLLO: Ooh, I am hungry. What's cooking?
CLAWDEEN: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Goobert, Dad is not dinner.
GOOBERT: Maybe dessert then?
DEUCE: If Mom-dusa left the talisman here, someone would have found it by now.
FRANKIE: But my detective brain says clues can be anywhere. Aha!
DEUCE: Oh! You found something?
FRANKIE: Nope, just practicing. Aha! Aha! Ha ha! So what'd your mom tell you about Monster High?
DEUCE: Um, like when she won the big game? "In the last quarter, I fell down."
DEUCE AND MEDUSA: But I pushed through! With the scores tied, I nailed a slam dunk, winning the game for Monster High!
FRANKIE: No talismans back here. Opposite of aha. Nah-ha?
DEUCE: [V.O.] Or when she met Mama.
DEUCE AND MEDUSA: I met Lyra at the Coffin Bean. I fell head over heels for her, literally-- fell snakes-first into a cupsnake display. But Lyra was there to catch me.
FRANKIE: Didn't find a single talisman. Just a bunch of paper with funny faces.
DEUCE: And she goes on and on about being the first gorgon here.
DEUCE AND MEDUSA: I aced my final BAT exam, making me the first gorgon to graduate Monster High. Not even tripping on my way to turn it in slowed me down. Slam dunk!
FRANKIE: Your mom sure had a case of the stumbly-clumsies in high school.
DEUCE: Yeah. Huh. Never really thought about that before.
TORALEI: I know Draculaura's the witch. Somehow, she hid her witchcraft supplies before. But not this time.
Part 2[]
DRACULA: Aha! How could this witch evade me?
PARENT: Any signs of the witch yet?
DRACULA: Nothing here.
PARENTS: Still looking. No. Over.
DRACULAURA: Maybe we call it a night?
DRACULA: Whoa! No, no, no, no, no. Not while a witch threatens Monster High. Don't worry. I'm not giving up the search until you're safe.
TORALEI: Mr. Dracula! I've got a witch secret to share!
DRACULA: Potions, spell books, excessive hand-waving motions?
DRACULAURA: Eye of deer and shepherd's shear, make this problem disappear.
DRACULA: And disappearing? Toralei Stripe just performed witchcraft before my very eyes!
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: I see her. Toralei, I never expected this of you. Witchcraft?
TORALEI: What? No! It's not me, I swear!
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: You've been caught red-pawed. The punishment is expulsion. Please come with me.
DRACULA: As you youths say, highest five on the witch find!
DRACULAURA: Dad, Toralei isn't the witch. I'm the witch.
DRACULA: But you're a straight A student, the daughter of the PFFT. You uphold the rules and...
DRACULAURA: It's been me all along. I practice witchcraft. The potion was mine. I do like Fang-ta.
DRACULA: Witchcraft, Draculaura? No, it doesn't make sense. You're a vampire, the best kind of monster. We're strong! We're immortal! We can turn into bats! We do not need to steal other monsters' powers!
DRACULAURA: That's what Crabgrass did. But that's not all that witchcraft is. I don't steal, I create. It's fun. It...
DRACULA: So you're breaking the rules for some frivolous hobby? You must give it up now, before it ruins your chance to be PFFT.
DRACULAURA: I don't want to be the PFFT! I--I didn't know how to tell you because I knew you'd get upset.
DRACULA: Of course I'm upset! (groans) Draculaura, I love you. Being PFFT is a great life-- surrounded by the greatest thinkers, impacting lives, all the creature comforts. I worked hard to get here so it would be easier for you. But witchcraft will get you expelled. You're throwing your future happiness away doing it.
DRACULAURA: But witchcraft makes me happy. And the rules are wrong. Look how beautiful witchcraft is.
DRACULA: I have to go. PFFT duty calls.
DEUCE: Can't believe I've heard her stories a million times and never realized how much she talked about falling. But she's not clumsy. She's a super athlete.
FRANKIE: That sounds fishier than Lagoona's dinner. That's why we're looking for clues in the old fearbook. (gasps) Here's one from when your mom went here!
DEUCE: There she is! Looks like the big game she always talks about. Wait. That fall. Someone tripped her? Mom was bullied? I thought I knew Mom-dusa and her tales better than Homer knew Odysseus, but I missed a bunch. Guess it wasn't easy being the first gorgon at Monster High.
FRANKIE: Why are we looking at your locker?
DEUCE: I got the same locker Mom-dusa had. She called it her safe space. I was like, yeah, it keeps your stuff safe. But maybe--
FRANKIE: It certainly smells like something got forgotten in there.
DEUCE: Knew it! Secret passageway.
CLAWDEEN: Hey, Dracula. Can you make sure no one eats our dad while we order? And, uh, don't eat him either, please. Thanks. Bye.
APOLLO: Uh, it is nice to meet you. We had some of your movies back at the monster research lab. Is it true that monster cameras can film vampires, but human cameras can't?
DRACULA: I don't know what's true anymore. You think you know your child, your own flesh, and thirst for blood, and then you find out you don't. See, I have this, uh, friend. He is regarded in his community, admired by many, and undeniably handsome. And he has a daughter. He found out that she likes something dangerous.
APOLLO: Ah. Like waterskiing?
DRACULA: Yes. He thought she liked to do all the things that he liked-- respectable things. But it turns out she likes... Waterskiing? I'm worried she won't be happy.
APOLLO: You mean your friend's worried.
DRACULA: Yes, my ridiculously handsome friend. What should he do?
APOLLO: Well, I was worried when Clawdeen came here. It seemed dangerous. But for her, it feels like home. And it makes her happier than I've ever seen. Her happiness is more important than my not-being-worriedness. And maybe, uh, waterskiing would be safer if the water-skier's dad could help her get a life vest. I know what I must do. Bat out!
DEUCE: Whoa. What is this place?
FRANKIE: Oh, hi, delivery dragon. Guess we know where the lost packages go.
DEUCE: My mom dug hanging out here, huh, Mortimer?
FRANKIE: Snake design, green gems. (gasps) It's the Gorgon Talisman!
DEUCE: "Mortimer, now that I'm graduating, I won't be able to see you every day. Since you like shiny things, I want you to have this talisman. I know you'll keep it safe for me until I need to use it. Stay cold-blooded. Medusa."
FRANKIE: Hey, Mortimer. My pal Clawdeen needs the talisman so we can bring her mom home from this portal-y thingy. Mind if we borrow it? We'll bring it back. Pinkie promise.
SKULLETTE P.A. SYSTEM: Attention, Monster High. Please release the Expel Beast.
FRANKIE: Uh, what's an Expel Beast?
DEUCE: I guess that's the Expel Beast.
FRANKIE: Uh, nice beastie. Gi-give back the talisman.
DEUCE: That beast has got to get got!
FRANKIE: After that terrifying monster!
DRACULA: Can I come in?
DRACULAURA: I officially invite the vampire known as Dad into this room.
DRACULA: I'm sorry. I want what's best for you. And I thought that was helping you become PFFT so you would have all the wing-ups that I have in the world. But if witchcraft is your waterskiing, I'll do all I can as PFFT to help you get a life vest.
DRACULAURA: Huh?
DRACULA: It sounded a lot better when Mr. Wolf said it. Long story short, I'm sorry, and I want you to be happy.
DRACULAURA: (laughs tearfully) Witchcraft does make me happy. And it makes me really happy to hear you say that.
DRACULA: The roar of the Expel Beast!
DRACULAURA: Oh, no. Toralei's getting expelled! And it's my fault. How are we going to stop the Expel Beast?
DRACULA: The only thing effective against the Expel Beast is... (gasps) Witchcraft! We have to be discreet until I can change the rules.
DRACULAURA: I have a plan! Come on!
DRACULA: Lead the way, Draculaura!
PARENTS: It was her! Witch! It was her!
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Order, please! Before we can proceed, we're waiting for... Catarina Stripe, parent and legal guardian to Toralei Stripe.
CLAWD: That's who replaced Mom as were-ruler?
CATARINA: (laughing] Yes. I'll be there this afternoon. (gasps) I know! (laughs) I'm hanging up now. Toralei, witchcraft? Being expelled? I had to come all the way down here when you know I have an entire were-society to manage.
TORALEI: Mom, please! It wasn't me!
CATARINA: Hold that thought.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: This is the hardest part of my job as headmistress. But based on overwhelming evidence, Toralei Stripe is facing expulsion for practicing witchcraft. As detailed in the rule book, the Expel Beast will remove the student from Monster High. They will never be allowed to set foot, paw, or hoof on Monster High soil again. Expel Beast, enter!
FRANKIE: The talisman!
TORALEI: Please, no!
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Witchcraft? But Toralei didn't even gesture.
APOLLO: Witchcraft?
CLAWDEEN: How?
DRACULA: Headmistress, it appears I was mistaken. Toralei is not the witch.
PARENT: What?
DRACULAURA: Make it daunting, make it taunting. Create the vision of a haunting!
DRACULA: We're not dealing with a student practicing witchcraft. We have a sneaky ghost of a witch on our hands.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: What would the ghost of a witch possibly want here?
FRANKIE: Ooh, ooh! I know! The Gorgon Talisman.
DEUCE: Yeah. It's wicked powerful. Maybe the witch ghost wanted to use it for, uh, monster-power-stealing reasons. But you can't have it, ghost! Go away.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: But the potion I found this morning? And the paraphernalia in Toralei's possession?
FRANKIE: Well, the delivery dragon has been hoarding all sorts of stuff.
CLAWDEEN: Maybe he picked them up from a witch during the dragon migration.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Toralei, is this true?
TORALEI: I told you the witch stuff wasn't mine. It's... What I found in that dragon's den.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Toralei, you are free to go, and I apologize profusely for the mix-up. To make up for it, have some no-questions-asked howl passes. I must have a talk with Mortimer. Alas, we can't expel a witch ghost. Not a student.
CATARINA: Then I came all the way down here for no reason. Toralei-- Furnando! So good to hear your meow. Oh, no interruption at all.
DRACULA: Well, I suppose the MPA is no longer needed here.
DRACULAURA: Thanks, Dad.
DRACULA: Aww. No problem, little biter. I'll fight to change the witchcraft rules so you can share this thing that gives you joy. It'll be a beast of a bureaucratic fight, but I am influential and well-regarded.
DRACULAURA: And don't forget, handsome too.
MEDUSA: Sorry I didn't tell you where the talisman was, Deucie. It's a long story.
DEUCE: Well, if you want to tell me, I'm here to listen.
APOLLO: Oh, it was so fun to see you two here in your monster element. But, uh, maybe next weekend, you can come home to the human world?
CLAWDEEN: Of course.
CLAWD: You got it.
CLAWDEEN: But we should get you out of here.
CLAWD: Hey! Dad is not on the menu.
GOOBERT: But I already set the table.
END OF EPISODE TWENTY-FOUR: SPELL THE BEANS