DRACULAURA: [V.O.] It started out as a perfect day at Monster High. First, I slayed my persuasive monster log speech.
DRACULAURA: In conclusion, humans practicing witchcraft are dangerous. And if a monster does witchcraft, that's even worse! It's an insult to monster society. Witchcraft is beneath us. Thank you.
UNKNOWN MONSTER: You go, Draculaura!
MRS. O'SHRIEK: Oh, absolutely dreadful, Draculaura, but I'd expect no less from the vampire daughter of the Pfft.
CLAWDEEN: Pfft?
DRACULAURA: Pfft. P-F-F-T. It stands for "premier, first and foremost top monster". My dad's kind of a big deal.
MRS. O'SHRIEK: Your semester long creative project is to record a monster minute every day on this eyeball. This will allow you to practice your communication skills. You can pour your hearts out!
CLEO: Heart poured out, assignment done.
DRACULAURA: [V.O.] After class, I went with my roomies to the creepateria.
FRANKIE: Menu said Sloppy Joes made from real Joe's extra toes. Yummers.
DRACULAURA: Need to cram before Dad gets here for Daddy/Daughter movie night.
DRACULAURA: [V.O.] After that, just did some studying exactly like I said I was doing.
DRACULAURA: Tater tykes are to die for. Okay, transformations. Turning a pencil into a pen. For best results, say spell confidently. "Shifting shadows--"
TORALEI: [off-screen] I can't believe headmistress let in that half human.
LAGOONA: Clawdeen? But she's so nice!
TORALEI: Exactly. What's next? Witches?
LAGOONA: Yeah, there will be a star-crossed romance between a monster and a witch. The monster will eat the witch and use their bones as decorations!
TORALEI: Witches don't belong here, Lagoona, not even if we upcycle them.
DRACULAURA: "Shifting shadows, a heart of storm, obey my spell, now transform"? No, no, no, no! Ah! Hey, biting is my thing. Woah! Gotta reverse the spell. "Shadows, storm, transform."
DEUCE: Chocolate milk snake.
FRANKIE: I'm gonna be picking Joe's toenails out of my teeth for weeks.
DRACULAURA: We have to catch that tater tyke before my dad gets here.
CLAWDEEN: What?
FRANKIE: She said, "We have to catch that tater tyke before my dad gets here."
CLAWDEEN: Woah. This school has secret passageways?
FRANKIE: Yep. Got lost last week on my way to the creepeteria and found all sorts of secret stuff. Found a cover to the catacombs, a junk drawer with a portal into a ketchup packet factory, and in our room, there's a compartment with a bunch of witch stuff.
DRACULAURA: Witch stuff? No way. What? In our room? Never in a monster million.
FRANKIE: Right. No one would break the rule: "Witchcraft is forbidden for monsters and punishable by expulsion." Got some frontal lobe from the poltergeist who wrote the code.
CLAWDEEN: Unless my human knowledge is even less spooktacular than I thought, there aren't any tater tyke monsters. But that tater tyke must've been brought to life by witchcraft. Who was in our room, had tater tykes-
DRACULAURA: It was me. I was, um, doing research for my anti-witchcraft speech, and the librarian had a banned spell book and, um, I was holding it for her. There. Uh, undo yo. "Controlio seeo, transformio."
DEUCE: Mm.
TATER TYKE: Na na na na na na.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Ah, my memoirs are complete. My memoirs!
CLAWDEEN: Over there!
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: When I get to the bottom of this, heads will roll. And not just mine.
DRACULAURA: Ugh, no sign of that tyke anywhere. When the headmistress finds out I did witchcraft, she'll tell my dad and--
DRACULA: [off-screen] Draculaura. Draculaura.
CLAWDEEN: Speak of the devil.
FRANKIE: No, the Devil's Heath's dad, has a goatee, invented pimples and 24 hour news channels. That's Dracula.
DRACULAURA: Hey, Dad. Dad, you're on mute.
DRACULA: So I wrapped the Pfft judgments early, had to banish a vampire for a wardrobe violation. Harsh, but we all know baseball caps are beneath us. I'll be there soon. Bat out!
FRANKIE: Idea. What you need to catch that tater tyke is... accessories!
CLAWDEEN: Woah! A secret closet full of bionic prosthetics. Fangtastic!
FRANKIE: Need a hand catching a delicious potato product? I've got an arm for that.
CLAWDEEN: Frankie will catch it and...
DRACULAURA: I'll reverse the spell.
CLAWDEEN: My werewolf snout smells starchy, salty, potatoe-y! Right here!
FRANKIE: Take that, tater.
DRACULAURA: "Shifting shadows, heart of storm, obey my spell, now transform!"
DEUCE: The great and powerful spirits of Monster High wants me to scarf down more veg- Thanks, Monster High!
DRACULAURA: Transform? Oh, steaks.
CLAWDEEN: The food's alive?
FRANKIE: Was that supposed to happen?
SKULLETTE P.A. SYSTEM: Dracula arriving in three minutes.
FRANKIE: Can we call someone for help? Bet the lunch lady would understand your research went wonky.
DRACULAURA: But I'd still get kicked out of school and my dad would see right through the lie. Oops.
CLAWDEEN: You didn't have that spell book just for your anti-witchcraft speech, did you?
DRACULAURA: No, I was doing witchcraft because I... I like doing witchcraft. It makes me feel like me.
FRANKIE: But you had that whole anti-witchcraft speech.
DRACULAURA: I guess I was trying to convince myself. Everyone wants me to be a rule stickler vampire like my dad. I just want to be a witch. But that's not the vampire way.
CLAWDEEN: Well, according to my werewolf eyes, you're a vampire and you're a witch.
DRACULAURA: I am? I'm a witch. I'm a witch! This witch will cast a spell. "Living foods go to sleep."
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Snack time. Snack- Witchcraft?! Who is behind this?
CLAWDEEN: Me. Uh, it was me.
FRANKIE: If I may address the headmistress, the rule is witchcraft is forbidden for monsters, but Clawdeen's half human. Her human side did it.
CLAWDEEN: Lawyer brain?
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: A technicality.
SKULLETTE P.A. SYSTEM: Dracula's here. Dracula's here.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Come along, Draculaura. Can't have our Pfft seeing his daughter with these troublemakers.
DRACULA: And here you go, kid. Bat out.
HEADMISTRESS BLOODGOOD: Dracula, always an honor to have a... monster of you caliber in our halls.
DRACULA: Evening, headmistress. And there's my perfectly putrid princess.
DRACULAURA: Daddy!
DRACULA: Tonight's movie is a real treat. 1985s Vampire II, Second Blood.
VAMPIRE ACTOR: As a vampire, it is my duty to keep the world in check. I must uphold the ways of the old.
DRACULAURA: Dad, I... I want to tell you something. I...
VAMPIRE ACTOR: Vampires never tolerate disrespect for tradition.
DRACULA AND VAMPIRE ACTOR: Banished. Bat out.
DRACULA: So, what were you saying again, little apple of my fang?
DRACULAURA: I... really like daddy/daughter nights with you.
CLAWDEEN: Draculaura? Uhh, why'd you knock?
DRACULAURA: Can you invite me in?
CLAWDEEN/FRANKIE: Yeah, but it's your dorm too.
DRACULAURA: Not anymore. I'm really grateful for what you did tonight, but I can't keep putting you at risk. I decided to move out of our dorm.
FRANKIE: But if you did that, how will you use this witch's lair?
CLAWDEEN: I may not know everything about being a monster just yet, but my werewolf instincts say, we're a pack. And that means we're here for you. However, whatever you choose to be.
DRACULAURA: Thank you!
FRANKIE: Oh, let's get huggie.
DRACULAURA: [V.O.] In the end, it was a perfect day. Maybe my dad wouldn't think so or the headmistress, but I feel good. And that's my monster minute.
TORALEI: Draculaura has a secret. What the ta tyke? Ow!
END OF EPISODE TWO: FOOD FIGHT
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