Venus McFlytrap's Between Classes diary

Cover
Reading my diary could make me allergic to you.

9*9
Today I got in trouble for not paying attention in class. It’s not like I wasn’t interested in what Mr. Hackington was saying but after a week of clouds and rain the sun was calling my name. Shouting it actually – “HEY VENUS-YEAH YOU MCFLYTRAP! DON’T JUST SIT THERE LIKE A POTTED PLANT GET OUT HERE!” I hate it when the sun shouts at me; so rude and distracting. Plus Mr. Hack’s classroom is so cold and dank. Not exactly the kind of place where a ghoul wants to put down roots. Good thing I knew the answer to the question Mr. Hack was asking, even if I didn’t hear it the first time he asked me. “Photosynthesis!” “That’s correct Ms. McFlytrap … did you know or guess?” What I wanted to say was, “Oh, was that the answer? I thought I was placing my lunch order.” Instead I just pointed to my notes, which seemed to satisfy him for the moment. Mom always says, “Be a flower not a weed." Of course the difference between a flower and a weed depends on the gardener. Whoa. I’m not even sure what that means but next time mom tells me not to be a weed I’m going to try it out on her and see what happens.

9*15
I went outside to eat lunch today and saw Operetta sitting under a tree playing her guitar. I walked over to ask if she minded me sitting down to listen and she immediately stopped playing. She looked up at me and wrapped her arms around her guitar like she thought I was going to try and take it from her, “This guitar was made for me by my best friend out of ah hard rock maple tree that blew down in a storm and I ain’t about to apologize or give her up for one made from recycled plastic bottles so you can just save your speeches.” She really hurt my feelings but I wasn’t about to let her see me wilt so I yelled back, “I don’t care what your dumb old guitar is made of I was just going to ask if I could sit here and listen to you play!” She looked surprised at first then she threw her head back and laughed! “All right, all right pull in your thorns ghoulfriend and have a seat.” I sat down and she played. She is scary good. I told her being a plant monster means I get all my nourishment from the soil, air and water around me so living in a clean environment is important. I know it may seem selfish but I bet if other monsters saw garbage being dumped into something they were about to eat they’d be all up in claws too and it’s not like I want to build a big fence around the outdoors so no other monsters can enjoy it cause that wouldn’t be fair either. But I don’t think it’s too much to ask for monsters to throw something that can be recycled into the recycling bin and not treat the environment like their own personal trash can. Operetta said, “I reckon I see your point but I’ve also seen you do that pollen thing to monsters who don’t agree with you and no monster wants to feel like they’re being manipulated into doing something even if it’s something good and that’s why some of ‘em run when they see you coming.” Whoa. Then she told me why she doesn’t sing in front of audiences. “Monsters who hear me sing live will believe and do whatever I tell ‘em to just like they do for you-only they’ll keep doing it till I tell them to stop.” I almost laughed but I realized she was dead serious. “Now I reckon I could be the biggest music star in the monster world with that ability but I’d rather my music be listened to cause it really is the best not just because I tell monsters it is.” I guess I see her point too.

9*19
I guess I’m getting adjusted to Monster High but it hasn’t exactly been easy. Probably cause I’m really not very good at going along just to get along. Even when I was just a little sprout I wanted to do things my own way. Like one time these monster aphids infested my whole class but instead of using that nasty shampoo or letting my mom comb them out of my hair I totally pruned my head. I looked like a dandelion that had lost its seeds for a while, but at least I didn’t have aphids anymore. I even decided the pruned look was scary cool so I kept it that way on the one side. At my old school all the classes were taught outside so that we were always in our element so to speak. Being indoors all day was really making me droopy but I didn’t want any monster to think that I was some kind of fainting violet cause I’m not. Lagoona must have noticed though cause she told me that I should go talk to Headmistress Bloodgood and let her know I was having a problem. I was like, whoa. I didn’t really want to cause the last time I had to go see her was when she caught me using my pollens of persuasion to make Meowlody and Purrsephone pull aluminum cans from the regular trash and put them in the recycling bin. I got a very long lecture on the need for self-control, an assignment for an even longer paper on the ends not justifying the means, and I had to apologize. Lagoona kept bugging me until I finally made an appointment with the Headmistress. She told me her old assistant was a plant monster and she turned a supply cabinet into a special grow room with lights that mimicked the sun. Headless Headmistress gave me the key and said I could use it any time I was feeling droopy. Amazing…just amazing.

10*2
I had my meeting with Mr. D’eath, the school guidance counselor today. He wasn’t there when I got there so I had to wait for him. I wasn’t really looking forward to it at all. He always seems to be sighing about something and he cracks his knuckles…a lot. It sounds like dry branches snapping which is like claws on a chalkboard to me. The other day I overheard Miss Kindergrubber telling Mr. Hackington that unlife had not been very kind to Mr. D’eath this year and that lately he was looking more gaunt than usual. I’m not sure how that could even be possible. Of course Miss K. is always telling some monster to eat cause they’re just “skin and bones”. Guess it must be a prerequisite for her job. Anyway, Mr. D’eath’s office always smells like herbal tea … can’t really even think about that … and his walls are covered with motivational posters. There’s one with this troll sitting on top of a bridge instead of underneath it that says, “Don’t be afraid of a new perspective.” Whoa. Deep. I’m sure they’re supposed to be profound and encouraging but they’re really not my kind of fertilizer. There was also a picture of him and some of the other teachers white water rafting down the River Styx. It would take a pretty penny for me to do that. He finally came in with my records, sat down and started flipping through them: Hmm…okay…I see…oh ho! Well Miss Yelps I think you have a bright future and, if I may confide in you for a moment, over the years a job like mine can make one rather brittle. It gets so discouraging when students don’t listen to my advice especially after all my years of education and seminars which I am beginning to suspect are taught by monsters whose last interaction with students was back in the day of the quill and inkwell. You mention something as simple as an iCoffin and they look at you like you’re speaking zombie…no offense. He went on about how according to my permanent file I, (Ghoulia), could go to any poison ivy league school that I wanted. He said some other really nice things about me (her) and then gave me a bunch of college brochures. He told me it had been a real pleasure and that I could come back any time. I didn’t have the heart to correct his error so I just moaned and shuffled out. I’ll probably get in trouble for it later but I’ll sit on that bridge when I come out from under it.

10*15
I got some new art pencils today so I did some sketches of Chewlian who wasn’t being very cooperative. I think he was mad that I closed my window when I went to school. He likes me to leave it open in hopes that lunch will come creeping, crawling or flying into my room. I don’t like bugs nearly as much as he does though and sometimes I forget and close it. I finally had to tell him that I’d let him spend the day out by the compost heap if he’d be still. He was pretty good after that and I was happy with the results.

11*15
When I got called into Headmistress Bloodgood’s office, last week, I was thinking it was because she found out about my appointment with Mr. D’eath but it turned out to be an “opportunity for growth” that would involve me rooting myself in face painting booth at the middle school carnival. So today I sat in a booth with Draculaura turning werewolves into zombies, vampires into skeletons, zombies into Dead Fast … okay that was just Ghoulia … and cute little ghouls into “scary” normies. Draculaura was happy to do all the kittens, bats with pink bows and the occasional full on mini-makeovers although it was mostly the moms who requested those. It also gave me a perfect audience to talk about the importance of keeping the world around us clean. Then we got to watch Robecca, who is a wonder of sustainability, do an amazing stunt. Whoa. It was really scary cool. I think every monster from that time on wanted me to turn them into a robot. Lagoona and Gil even came by and Gil let me paint his helmet to make it look all steam punkish. Not sure I did any growing but I got to spend time in the sun with my beasties, use my art skills and maybe plant some seeds about taking better care of the world around us.