Ghoulia Yelps's Basic diary

JULY 15
I went to the mailbox to see if the book on monsterlecular biology I ordered was there and by the time I started back to the house, it began to rain. Needless to say, I was soaked by the time I got back inside. Everyone thinks I am so smart, but if I were really intelligent, I would carry an umbrella with me wherever I go.

JULY 16
I woke up with a monster cold this morning. Ugh... I just wanted to lie in bed and simply un-die. Sir Hoots A Lot kept me supplied with tissues and books, so I did not have to get up, and Mom even brought in some lukewarm dragon noodle soup, although I am quite sure it was hot when she left the kitchen with it.

JULY 25
I started a new book today. Actually, it is a graphic novel. Okay, comic book. It is about a zombie boy who gets pecked by a radioactive hummingbird and gains the power of super speed. I know it is just a made up story, but a ghoul can dream, can she not?

JULY 31
So there is this zombie boy and I have become completely enamored with him. He plays on the casketball team and he is sweet and smart and I get tongue-tied every time I am in his presence. I attempted to ask some of my ghoul friends what I should do, but all the advice they gave me just seemed wrong. I even thought about sending a letter to one of those teen monster magazines.

Dear Relationship Know-It-All, I am totally head over tombstone with the most engaging zombie boy, but I am too nervous to talk to him. Please send me your most generalized reply with a solution so diluted that it has no possible application to my current situation. Signed, Thoroughly Flummoxed in his Presence

I did not, of course, send the letter. The last thing I want to do is publicly announce my inability to function in the presence of the opposite sex. It really should not be this difficult, but it does require a certain amount of spontaneity and unscheduled events are not my forte.

AUGUST 15
Today was the day I had scheduled to make a trek to The Maul in order to take advantage of their back-to-school fashion sales. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control involving a flat tire, an intransigent hunchback and untimely solar flares, I got to The Maul about four hours late. I was able to make up most of the time, because I had a list of things I needed, which allowed me to bypass shopping and proceed straight to buying mode. The last stop on my list was the shoe store and I got there just as they were closing. I tried to talk the store lurk into giving me just a few minutes, but she did not understand Zombie, so she just rolled her eyes, said "Sorry, we're closed," and started to pull down the roll-up security door. This caused the whole day to come crashing down on me and I started to fall apart. It was then that something remarkable happened. An arm reached around from behind me and stopped the door from closing. Then, through my tears, I could see that the door was being pushed back up and the store lurk's eyes had gone very wide. I do not know where she came from, but Clawdeen, perhaps the most intimidating girl at Monster High, stood there in full Alpha mode. "She said she had a list and that it wouldn't take long, and since you are trying to close five minutes earlier than your posted hours, I suggest you open up and wait on her." The lurk swallowed hard and said, "Of course, Ms. Wolf." Clawdeen put her arm around me and said, "Come on, ghoulfriend, let's try on some shoes." It was one of the most enjoyable shopping experiences of my short zombie life. I even bought an extra pair on Clawdeen's advice and when we were done, she and her brother Clawd gave me a ride home, so I didn't have to take the bus. It is unfortunate that Clawdeen is still angry at Cleo because of the way Cleo and Clawd's relationship ended. In retrospect though, I suppose Cleo should not have started dating Deuce the day after she dumped Clawd, but what do I know about relationships?

AUGUST 20
I made the acquaintance of a new girl today. Her name is Frankie Stein and although her understanding of Zombie is quite rudimentary, she only asked me to repeat something twice. She had many questions about what it is like to be a zombie. Her inquiries showed a remarkably limited knowledge of zombie life and culture, but I was happy to oblige her in her quest for knowledge. Her first question was "Why do zombies only speak Zombie, but write in the vernacular?" Okay, she did not use the word "vernacular." Anyway, I told her that it was a function of our unique zombie physiology. Actually, I believe I said that it is the way we are made, like a werewolf gets doubly hairy and ferocious on nights with a full moon or a vampire not being able to go out in the sun without totally covering their skin. It just is. I look forward to getting to know Frankie better when school starts. She is monstrously sweet.

AUGUST 31
I received my "Zombies Are Monsters, Too" t-shirt and bumper sticker in the mail today. The bumper sticker will have to go on my wall until I get my license, but I will proudly wear the t-shirt...under something else because I hate drawing undue attention to myself. Yes, I am being contradictory here. I want to make a statement, but I do not want to be noticed while I am doing it. Why a statement? Well, it is not as if zombies are treated poorly by the "legacy" monsters, but sometimes we do get treated like background noise, which is a little disheartening. Yes, we only speak Zombie. Yes, we slowly shuffle along. Yes, we often appear to be devoid of personality, but the same observation could be made about any teenager. Regardless, I am just as special as any pedigreed monster. Speaking of pedigreed monsters, my iCoffin just went off to remind me I am supposed to meet Cleo de Nile tomorrow.

SEPTEMBER 1
Spent the day at Cleo de Nile's helping her get her class schedule organized. While Cleo does have the reputation of being arrogant and demanding, which she is at times, she can also be generous and helpful. How does she help me? It is hard to socialize when you are as shy as I am, but Cleo will not allow me to sit on the sidelines. When we first became friends, she took me around and introduced me to everybody. Even Clawdeen! Now I am included in every social event and have so many good friends at MH that while I am still shy, they will not allow me to be invisible. I am still closest to Cleo though, because she took a chance on getting to know a quiet and nerdy zombie girl when she really did not have to.

SEPTEMBER 6
Although I have enjoyed my time off for the summer, I am eagerly anticipating the resumption of the school year tomorrow. I know that I am unusual in this, but school is where I get to focus on my two favorite activities: acquiring knowledge and spending time with my friends.